biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

grim-reapers-soul:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

a bunch of grim reapers standing around the water cooler complaining about work

Death: Do you know how many cats I had to deal with today? About twenty. And do you know how many cat souls I’ve gotten today? Zero! Anyways how are you today?

this is my favorite fuckin post

starkey:

glumshoe:

Action hero: [is wearing a crisp white shirt]
Me: “Oh no… someone’s about to take a bullet…”

However if you do wear a suit jacket you are legally obligated to keep your mortal injury secret until the most naratively inopportune moment

vorethewealthy:

Why does the pirate aesthetic have to go so hard like? I absolutely want to wear two coats and tall boots and a ton of fucking knives and a sword hello??? maybe not lose an eye but we all have to make sacrifices

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

there is no final version of yourself. we never stop growing or changing, nor should we. stop beating yourself up for not being ‘there’ yet.

thatsbelievable:

rat-lesbian:

my spotify algorithm: finally!! I know what music you like!

me: (listens to “Take Me Home, Country Roads” for an hour)

my spotify algorithm:

paullekker:

tomroughneck:

Meanwhile in Russia

Yes!!!!

anothercleverjedimindtrick:

Being on tumblr after the update like

ithotyouknew2:

Y'all gotta stop “educating” people with a tone that implies they’re stupid for not knowing the shit already. Condescending asses.

dailytweets:

great-tweets:

I love you, Mr. Murderbritches.

everythingiswhatevernow:

badjokesbyjeff:

Doctor: Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

Man: Good news first please, doc!

Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you

Why is this funny

movie-gifs:

Titanic (1997) dir. James Cameron